I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
should my penis look like a turkey
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
