she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
