I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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