Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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