You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
