Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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