Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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