My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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