i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
