Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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