So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
