I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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