This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
