Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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