Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
