thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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