After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
