i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I FOUND THE LEGS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
