I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
