my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
