Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
