you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
