Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
