I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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