Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
