Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
