You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
