He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
