Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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