you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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