My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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