I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
