Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
even my farts smell like vagina
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
