I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
