someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
