I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
