I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
