i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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