I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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