"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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