When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
