when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
