yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
