i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
