I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize