I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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