i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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