And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
