Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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