I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
