It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
