I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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