You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
