You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
