new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
