Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
