You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
