please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm passing your future prison.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
