Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm always down for nudity.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
