the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
