It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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