I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
