I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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