Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
