Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
