Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
