I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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