He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
