tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
