butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want to be your penis for a week.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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