I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
