soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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