You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
