I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
