I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
