Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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