What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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