Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
