Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
