she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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