watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm too high and old for this...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
