Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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