Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
