Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
