I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
