Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
