I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
