If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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