This is the prime rib incident all over again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
