apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize