Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
