I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize