can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
