Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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