I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
